The Mighty Dildo

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Using dildos on your passive partner before you indulge in your favourite anal sex positions, which might be quite vanilla anal sex, can be a mind-blowing experience for him and a real exercise in loving control for you, both during anal sex and while you’re wielding the toys.

A big advantage of anal sex toys is that they allow you to concentrate fully on the pleasure you’re giving your partner; you’ve more control, even while watching the dildo or vibrator sliding in and out of his ass is going to be a real turn-on for you. Furthermore, toys start hard and stay hard; there’s no risk they’ll blow their load before your partner’s really satisfied, and they tend to be a lot easier to angle around.

Of course, you can reach for the toys box right when you’re stripping off, but it can be nice to turn him round to stroke, kiss and lick his anus. Let him know again his ass is beautiful. Spend minutes rimming him, kneading his buttocks and reaching beneath to caress his balls and penis. Open his anus with lubricated fingers and feel around inside – you’ll feel when his sphincter muscles tense and when they are relaxed.

The first ‘pop’ as the dildo slips into him can be a beautiful moment for the passive partner. With your regular partner, you’ll know the sort of sizes he likes best and will probably have a selection of his favourite dildos. With a new partner, start with a relatively small dildo and work your way upwards, at each stage stretching his anus a little more. Thrust slowly, rotate the toy and swirl the tip around inside him. Build sensation with rapid, hard thrusts. Vary the ways you thrust so he doesn’t know what’s coming next.

As you work with the dildos, you’ll be sensitising his prostate. He may experience anal orgasm several times before you actually fuck him. If you’re using big dildos, especially toys that are bigger than your penis, there’s no need to worry that it might be something of a come down when it’s your penis you’re using to fuck him; even with the really huge sex toys, you can get him so highly sensitised that your human-sized penis is a perfect fit.

Beyond the physical sensation of being penetrated, a really important aspect of the joy of gay sex for the passive partner is the knowledge that the active man is letting go and spending himself in him. The top can enhance this experience by making it really clear – words, noise, touch – he wants himself inside him. Use a dildo as a prop as well to torment your partner; make him alternate between sucking the dildo and sucking you before you fuck him. And, since you have been using dildos in a very controlled way, focused on his responses, you’ll know you can just do what you want here – which should also please him.

After you’ve come, it’s often great for both of you to lie quietly together. You may want this as you ‘zen’ through your afterglow, and he can feel quietly intimate, safe and connected with you. This can be even better for him when you’ve really worked his arse and given him a lot more anal/prostate sensation that you could through your cock alone.

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