There’s no doubt sex fuels the world we live in, no matter how much we attempt to rise above those primal instincts. Sex is one of our fundamental driving forces, offering a -˜peak experience’ that transcends the everyday.

And while good sex often starts in the head before leading to the bed, our minds can also be our biggest barrier to enjoying better sex -” especially given the chaotic, stressful world we live in. Our brains are like tape recorders -” either stuck on fast forward, in planning mode, thinking about all the things we need to do -” or stuck in reverse, going over our lives, wondering about what-ifs and maybes. Like a monkey, the mind chatters away endlessly without a moment’s peace, and it’s this relentless noise that makes us stressed, anxious and tense -” and feeling decidedly un-sexy.

But there’s good news, because the brain can be whipped into shape quicker than a Biggest Loser contestant at a BDSM party. In a nutshell, it’s about being mindful. That means staying as much as possible in the present moment, whatever you’re doing, rather than letting your attention drift into past or future. It’s called conscious awareness, and it’s a powerful way to focus your thoughts constructively.

Here’s an exercise to try:
Find a quiet spot and close your eyes. Focus all your attention on the little finger on your right hand. Take some deep breaths into your belly. On the inhale, imagine sending your breath through your body to that finger. Next, with each inhale, imagine pulling a beam of light in through the crown of your head and down to your finger. Feel the blood pulsing there and note any sensations as you continue to breathe slowly and deeply.

You’ll hopefully find your finger began to feel bigger, perhaps a little tingly, more awake somehow. Or maybe it felt like it was the only finger on your hand. What it demonstrates is how concentrated awareness and imagination can create and increase sensation. It’s a simple exercise, but imagine what could happen if you apply the technique to other areas of your own -” or even your lover’s -” body.